Me, Myself, and the Person of God

I am not well versed in quoting scripture and am only a year and some months into having a relationship with God. My coming home to Christ is not necessary for Holy Spirit to speak, nor is my adventure of obeying God to move across the Pacific Ocean, 8,000 miles from my home. But it crossed my mind to talk about both of these things. Truly I feel the biggest testimony of my life, so far, is the relationship I have built with God, and with every part of him, Jesus, the Father, and the Holy Spirit.

When I first became a Christian my thoughts of God we’re often stern and harsh, my subconscious thought was “why would I live my life by rules of a figure I can’t see and for someone that doesn’t care for me?” Now knowing this is a lie, it is something I see so many people still struggling to fully understand.

Jesus is the easiest for most people to connect with because he is fully human. He is the most similar to us, he’s often seen as a brother figure, very close and always loving. But I don’t have a brother. I don’t know what that is like. And the relationship I had with my sister growing up greatly damaged my self image and my self worth, so from very early on I found Jesus relating to me in a different way than my friends would talk about. He was simply like a husband to me. There has been many times when I physically felt Jesus’ arms wrap around me the way I had always wanted my husband to do. For the purpose of understanding me I would like to clarify I am not married. I continually found myself being overtaken by the sweetness of Jesus’ arms, by the delicate words he would whisper in my ear, and by the comforting grasp of his hand in mine. I was letting my heavenly husband lead my life, lead the direction I was headed in, consulting every decision and next step with him, treating him as if I had a husband in the room that depended on my dependence on him. But this was just one way I was developing my relationship with Jesus in the early days of my being a Christian, the Father has a completely different approach at being apart of my life.

Now I am very lucky that I have a wonderful earthly father. Truly he is what I aspire to be like as a parent, as a spouse, and as a child of God. But I know many people have a hard time connecting with their Heavenly Father because of their damaged relationship with their earthly father. Now I unfortunately cannot give any advice on developing a damaged father to child relationship because I have not walked through that specific situation, however I can tell you, even with a good relationship with my father, my idea of God the Father was skewed. When I started on the journey of walking with Christ I did not know God was good, in one way I saw him as this angry God in the sky that let the Israelites walk in the desert for forty years, but on the other hand my mom would always tell me God was a God of grace. And if that is all one knows about God, those are very contrasting characteristic and nowhere near the full picture, and I now fully understand the reason why I was confused by God for so long. Over the past month or so, God has been bringing me through the Books of Moses. Showing me the fullness of his anger, his kindness, his grace, his devotion to the people of Israel. This is still a journey I am walking through, but understanding that God is good all the time, that he is in a good mood all the time seems to be more challenging to comprehend when there is a lot of anger that comes from God as well. But through the anger, I began to find the goodness of God, he’s not angry because of who we are, God made us and he does not make mistakes, but he becomes angry at what we do. Because not everything is good for us or apart of God’s plan for our lives. So then you get to the cross roads of living a life for what we want and think is best, usually trying to avoid all pain and suffering but messing up and getting hurt anyways, or living a life for and with God regardless of the struggles we may go through but understanding it is for the greatness of God’s kingdom that we be challenged in this life. Our Heavenly Father wants every child to come home, but he doesn’t just want you home for the holidays, he wants a house that is build upon him and lived around him. Something that we can learn what not to do in many situations from the Israelites. And thankfully we have the Holy Spirit which has helped me maneuver my everyday life.

Even now in prayer I consult with Holy Spirit, my soul knows his presence well, what it’s like to communicate with him, what he sounds like in a crowded space, and yet there is still so much mystery about him that I do not understand. Holy Spirit has become my best friend, I’ve heard many times that Holy Spirit is seen as a motherly figure, and while he comforts me often, I find I play and joke with him more than cry to him. There was a moment in worship when I first visited Australia where I was so overcome by the love of God and began to sign in American Sign Language the few words I knew of the song what was being offered up to God. For those who didn’t learn in Sunday school, the sign for Jesus is taking your middle finger and pressing it briefly to the center of your palm on the opposite hand, then repeating the motion on the other palm. After doing this I thought about the pain that Jesus went through when his hands were pierced with nails, then unexpectedly, even though I knew the worship song well, the next line in the song was “Holy, Holy”, having just signed the reference to the literal holes in Jesus’ hands, I’m sure you can imagine how this very tender reflection on the sacrifice of Jesus was uprooted quickly as I heard Holy Spirit burst into laughter and say, isn’t that funny? I, of course, began to laugh audibly as Holy Spirit then tenderly said to me, I went through that pain to make this very ridiculous (and somewhat insensitive) joke with you right here, right now. I think the humor of God can often be overlooked because of his complexity, but if Holy Spirit is our best friend, we would joke and play with him the way we would with our best friends on the Earth. We so often forget to recognize Holy Spirit when he is in the room with us, because if he is in us and always with us, then he is always able to move and make a difference in our day. There is something about Holy Spirit that I find so different from Jesus and the Father, something that is so tangible about his presence and so accessible to me.

Even still, there is so much I have yet to discover about God. And my experiences may not be relatable for every person, but I pray that through reading this you have discovered something new or been reminded of something that has been forgotten. I pray that your relationship with Jesus, the Father, and the Holy Spirit is deepened to greater understanding of God and his completeness, and may the greatest of God’s blessings fall upon you, for he is good all the time and loves you abundantly.

Shailyn Clay. Where do I start? She is a light in the lives of every person she comes into contact with. She is one of the best listeners and that makes her one of the best advice givers. No matter how long it has been since you have last talked to her or seen her she will always be the same Shay as she was the last time you saw her. No matter where God calls her to or what He calls her to do she will do it and she will do it while giving all the glory to God. She has been living in Australia now for 119 days. And that means that we will not be able to see each other for another 246 days. Yes this is going to be a challenging 246 days. BUT knowing that we both are doing and following the path that God has set before us is going to make these days ahead of us worth it. Knowing that we both are going to be better because of what we are going through right now when we are apart makes me even more excited and expectant for the time that we get to see each other in person again.

Prayer:

God. I just thank you for making each of your children unique and different. I thank you for giving us each a different purpose and path. I thank you that each of us go through different things and experience things that no other one of your children will experience in the same way. You never let us forget the love that you have for each of us. You never leave us where we are, You never give up on us and You never stop pursuing us and growing our relationship stronger and stronger. I ask that you give each of us a new revelation of your love for us and of your glory. You are a good good father. I thank you for everything you have ever done for us and everything you will do. We love you with all that we are and all we do. Amen